Oh what a day. I feel like the last couple days I've just focused on things that are wrong with me. I think about how Eli's so damn nice to me it's annoying and I realize that maybe I was the same thing to Michael. How annoying. How I don't stand up for myself. How I didn't with Michael. Then Maddy and Eli rag on me about being flakey and I realize how I really am so bad about keeping my word on plans. How I'm always late. Omead on skype finds points where I was hypocritical in high school and indirectly says I'm a failure at boys. I keep making mistakes with Eli and just everyone else. I complain too much. Almost all the time. I always talk about myself. I want attention. I have no study habits, no work ethic.
Do people ever really find perfect matches? Is that even possible? Because right now I feel like any guy would be annoyed as hell of me, or tired of me, or frustrated because I'm so damn nice that I can't prioritize our own relationship. I lead people on while knowing it. I'm shifty and flighty and I don't make sense. I just make bad decisions.
No big deal, just maybe too much contemplation for my own good.
Friday, January 15, 2010
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